


The Thoughts Are in The Right Place

by KakiTenshi



Series: My Job Sucks, But I Love It [4]
Category: Criminal Minds, Supernatural
Genre: Episode: s05e22 Swan Song, The End is Near, confused Spencer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-04
Updated: 2013-08-18
Packaged: 2017-12-22 10:13:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/912003
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KakiTenshi/pseuds/KakiTenshi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With the apocalypse near, Spencer heeds Castiel's warning and starts prepare for the worst. Trouble is, he's so focused on Sam and Dean that other trouble arises. Will Reid be able to balance out the two before the group gets suspicious?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Thinking Too Hard

**Author's Note:**

> This story is formatted differently than the rest. I'm finally getting use to the site and using it to its full potential and all :D Hope you like this arc!

Castiel’s words were on my mentality throughout the weeks, the team noticed that I was not looking the same as usual. My rants were shorter, I didn’t notice the simplest things as Garcia caught me using Morgan’s tablet to look at something. I’d lied of course, saying that I wanted to try it her way slowly because all of the ‘genius of the stone age’ jokes were getting a bit old.

She went off on her marry way as I continued to look at the impossible in front of me. Castiel must be mistaken, I can’t help Sam or Dean if they don’t want to be helped. Nobody could, and those two are more stubborn then any unsub I have ever faced. How am I supposed to help with something that they won’t let me do?

They never come to me for moral support, unless they are too damaged to manage it on their own. And I don’t want to see them damaged, the look on Sam’s face when we buried Dean was something I never wanted to face again.

Maybe I couldn’t help, but I will try.

But that involves knowing what is exactly going on.

“Reid, I know I shouldn’t pry but I need to know if you’re going to be okay.” Garcia’s voice echoed in the back of my brain, lost in the timeless problem I was facing.

“Spencer, snap out of it. We can deal with it when the time comes.” Morgan- no Derek spoke next, shaking me. Finally I looked up. “Oh so that catches your attention. Figures, you were wondering about _that_.”

“Morgan, go away. That’s not something you need to bother yourself with, they are my family not yours.” I stated, getting up from my desk and moving towards the coffee machine. “What do you guys want anyway?”

Garcia placed her hand on my shoulder. “I know I’m going to regret saying this but I still kept tabs on that friend’s phone that you gave me.” I was about to speak when she cut me off. “I know I shouldn’t have, but you looked really worried and I wanted to help in any way that I could. That’s not the part I’m confused about though. After the connection came back on, they seemed to always be on the road; now it has stayed in the same place for over a month.” She looked over at Morgan. “We think something is wrong.”

“We?” I looked at Morgan who nodded. “Did you try calling them?”

“I did, but the phone never answered. I even tried the one Castiel gave us recently, he didn’t even answered.”

“Well I can see why he didn’t, but I’ll look into it. Please don’t continue with this, even you Morgan. I know you’re worried but they can handle themselves, if they need help they’d call either me or Bobby.” And I turned my back on them, not talking to either for the rest of the day. How dare they keep this from me? It has been well over four months since I gave Garcia that number, she has no idea what she has done.

“Reid is everyone okay?” Prentiss came up to me as I re-entered the bullpen. “You seem distracted lately.”

“I’m fine, just thinking about something that I heard that I didn’t like.”

“Do you want to talk about it? Or is that part of Morgan’s new job description as well.”

“What do you mean new job description?” I looked at her face, she was dead serious. I was even more confused than before.

“Don’t try to hide the fact that you guys are dating, ever since that incident in Sioux Falls you guys have been attached to the hip. Or is my reading of your two’s relationship off?” My eyes widen along with my confused glanced as I tried to put things together.

“We aren’t dating.” I grabbed her arm, looking around the bullpen. “I’m not even sure how you got that idea.”

“Then why are you being secretive?”

I looked at her and let go of her arm, I was stunned. Why did I care what people thought of us? Sure it was false and I didn’t want any more trouble than I was already in, but this seemed stronger than that. I never thought about an actual relationship before, hell I couldn’t even tell what my sexual preference was. Usually I just tried to find someone who would want to have sex with a geeky man like myself, I wasn’t a monk and my urges weren’t only to be cut by tangoing alone.

Did I like Morgan? Yeah sure, he’s nice and all. Not speaking of the unexplained in the open, he surly took it in stride; not calling me insane or crazy. But I didn’t feel that way for him, right?

“I’m not being secretive, I just don’t want trouble for something that doesn’t exist.”

Prentiss gave me a look before ushering me towards the elevator. “Then what is it? You’ve been distant over the past four months and it’s making everyone worried.” She pressed the button for the lobby before I could step out. “You only really talk to Morgan, so we figured that he would know what is going on. He’s either playing dumb or you haven’t told him anything.”

“It’s a family matter, none of anyone’s business. My mother told me something the last time I saw her about my cousin that came and visited her, ask her to tell me something. The message was short and I haven’t been able to reach him since.” A weak smile fell on my face. “I feel that I’m going to have to go on the road and find him before he hurts himself. But I don’t want to leave my job either, I’m conflicted between the two.” The door opened and Prentiss ushered me to the glass doors in front, then motioned for me to continue. “That’s why I’ve been out of it on cases, I’m more worried about finding my cousin then catching the unsub. He’s the only real family that I have left.”

“Well that’s all any of us needed to hear, I understand and I’m sure that Hotch will too. Let’s go out to lunch and talk some more and then we’ll go tell him together.” Prentiss smiled, pointing to a little café down the street. “My treat.” 

* * *

“What are your cousin’s names?” Prentiss tried to pry for the sixth time in the past two minutes. “Because you’ve never talked about them before.”

“My reasons still stands, so I’m not going into this with you.” I huffed, turning to check the surrounding area. “Can we talked about something else?”

“Well, if you’re ashamed by them then why are you worried about them?”

“I’m not ashamed, I just don’t like talking about my family. Unless you know them personally, like everyone is with my mother I don’t like having misconceptions because of what I say.” I looked over and noticed a whoosh of air fill the room, the trench coat visible by the counter. “I got to go.”

“But Reid!” Prentiss called as I moved to my friend of the otherly.

“Castiel what are you doing here?” I whispered, trying to hide from the co-worker leering behind me. “Is everything okay?”

“Sam is in trouble. He said yes to Lucifer, now the world needs Michael.” The angel stared at me with his vibrant blue eyes. “But the ‘Sword of Michael’ or Michael’s vessel won’t say yes.”

“I’m guessing that would be Dean?”

“Originally yes, but they brought back their brother Adam because Dean wouldn’t say yes either. I think Adam is breaking and we won’t see Sam anymore.” He looked behind me, at what I’m guessing was Prentiss. “They need you Spencer.”

Looking down at the counter I thought about everything that he said, “What do you want me to do Cas? I don’t know what it is you want from me.”

Castiel just smiled and got up to leave, meshing with the crowd; vanishing in plain sight. The sound of his wings were the only thing that signaled his departure.

* * *

“I don’t understand Reid, is something wrong?” Hotchner said, as I briefed him and Rossi on my idea. “Because you don’t have to leave the BAU for just a family problem.”

“Hotch, I understand your concern but this isn’t an ordinary family matter. I don’t know how long it will take to do what I have to, I don’t want to burden the team with an absence of mine.” I looked over at Rossi. “I will like to come back, but I don’t know if I can; I’m hoping that this will only be short termed and temporary.”

“Then how about you leave for two weeks and call if you need more time. If you think it will take longer then you expect or way too long for us to handle on our own we’ll consider today as your two weeks’ notice.” Rossi suggested, Hotch nodding at the idea. “That way everyone won’t be worried as much and you won’t need to say goodbye forever.”

“I’d appreciate that very much Rossi, let’s do that.”

“Where are you headed anyway Reid?” Hotchner pried.

“Well Garcia tracked down their last own address in Lawrence Kansas, so I’ll start there.” I smiled, turning to leave so I could pack some of my stuff. Rossi’s voice made me turn around.

“If you need anything I’ll you have to do is call, alright?” I nodded and went off on my Mary way. 

* * *

“What do you mean you’re leaving?” Garcia loudly accused, creating a ringing in my ears. “You can’t leave Reid, who am I going to tease now?” Her voice rose to a squeaking sound, as her tears fell. “Who’s making you do this? Is it Strauss? Because I can change the digital paperwork right now so you don’t.”

“That’s not it Garcia, I have family matters to attend to and I don’t know how long it’ll take. They seem in too deep for me to fish them out in a couple days.” I responded my rehearsed line of why I was leaving. “I’ll be back as soon as I can, but it might take months to be able to do it. I don’t want the team to suffer just because my cousins are idiots with the worst luck in the world; as well as get themselves into the worse possible scenarios.”

“Do you want me to come with you?” Morgan asked, eyes searching mine for something to go on. “We might be able to fix this up faster rather than just you.”

“No Morgan, the team needs you more than I do. I’m going to call my uncle to help me out; our two heads should be able to come up with something.”

“Just be safe Spence, I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you while you’re out there.” JJ smiled, giving me a hug. “And if you need anything we’ll be here for you, even if we are already on a case.”

“And that means anything Reid.” Prentiss smiled as she placed her hand on my shoulder. “If I have to call my mother for help I will, so the sky is the limit.”

“Thanks guys, this means a lot to me. Just be safe and I’ll call it even. Goodbye, hopefully I’ll see all of you in two weeks.” And I left off to the realm of infinite possibilities, where the darkness is as big as the shadows at night. Absence of darkness can kill you in my world, what I left behind to live a normal-as-I-can-get-with-a-187-IQ in the light of ignorance. I don’t think I’m ready for what I was about to face, but I couldn’t say no now. Not with the closet thing that I can call family is being ridden by Satan himself, or hiding for becoming a sword that could kill his brother. I just hope that I can get there in time, before someone gets hurt.

* * *

**“Hello?”** the other side’s voice rang, answering my phone call.

“Hey it’s me, where are you?”

  **“I’m sorry, do I know you?”** the voice was impure, violent and filled with bloodlust.

 “Sorry wrong number.” And I hung up, looking at my laptop for answers. Off to pay my respects to the dead then.


	2. Walking Down Memory Lane

The ride down into the rest of my life was quiet, with no Morgan or even the sound of soft music the dull and ordinary scenery was the only thing keeping my brain occupied. Well and the road, seeing as I was speeding down the 58 towards my destination.

Morgan bombarded my house trying to get me to stay or take him with me, but I couldn’t do that to him. His safety was worth more than my bond with Sam and Dean, if he was there and got hurt helping me I’d never forgive myself.

What did that say for me? Because I would run to the ends of the earth to save the boys from destroying themselves. They’ve already put too much of their own blood to rest in the disgusting world we live in, and get nothing in return for their sacrifice. All that’s been ever given to a Winchester was more pain and more loss; nothing has remained constant in this spiraling world of theirs.

Bobby and I try to stay the same, remain in a place where we can always help, but for me it’s harder with my line of work. Time away from the team means unanswered questions, which in return turns into suspicion of my life after work. And I know that assumption is sticking needles into my skin and veins and lying unconscious for hours on end, but I don’t like that either. I need my team to trust me, so when I do _have to_ tell them they’ll take it like Morgan. Like Derek.

I want nothing more than to sit back on the times I’ve had with the team, the likelihood of me surviving this night is small but I can’t seem to do it. It hurts when I think of them as far away and never coming back. They were my way out and into the realm of _normal_ or _reasonable_ ; away from the darkness that has ruled my life.

Why hadn’t my father taken me out when he had the chance? My mother was mentally ill and had no reason to have me, no sane person would keep me with a madman; even if said person was their wife. The unstable shouldn’t be near children, so why did I have to grow up in such an environment?

Was this the reason that Castiel was talking about? Did God plan this divine master plot to keep everyone from falling to their knees? It takes the lives of four humans and the race of angels to right his own sins? I don’t want this divine gratitude that I’ve apparently been getting, because it has only been giving me trouble.

I can remember my first hunt like it was yesterday, those images never go out of your head for your life. Being helpless and inexperienced; that was the thrill of the job and what really keeps you going. Every time you’re facing something new that’s the feeling that you get, and that’s why I’ve been doing on the side. I save people every day with my day job, and as much as the hero-factor does play a part in hunting; that job is much more than the outside packaging.

The BAU did have its hardships, mainly in the beginning when I couldn’t trust them as far as I could possibly throw them. Sure, they were nice people but they couldn’t handle a secret like mine.

I remember the first time I broke into JJ’s office; almost got caught sneaking in there and looking through the case files. Picking the lock, entering in the utmost silence, even the secretive rummage through the files. She unlocked her door while I was in the middle of an important one, a paranormal case among the normal ones. I managed the close the file and stand up along with another one, hiding the fact that I was in there to snoop. She just smiled ask me how I got in there, why I was there without an excusing tone. I manifested the lie quickly enough. Seeing a case that we hadn’t done before I looked through it and figured it was one of the possibilities as a case, I quickly handed it to her and ran out the door before she could stop me. She did, asking how I got in. I ‘reminded’ her that she forgot to lock the door the night before and it was already open.

_That was how the rumour of how I had a crush on JJ began._

Gideon was the only one that actually thought I was taking too much onto my plate. How he knew is beyond me, but his eyes always saw straight through me no matter what I did. When no one realized how tired I was he was the one who told me to take a rest; to sleep more at home and to actually take a vacation. His father-like tendencies were the thing I loved the most about him. He was my father figure that I always needed and when he abandoned me my life shattered; even John and Bobby weren’t able to fill the void that appeared after William Reid walked out that door.

_The heartbreak of losing a father twice isn’t fun._

Even Hotchner had my back and memory when we were on _that_ case. Tobias Henkel the most deranged man we have ever face believed he was an archangel, his own father and himself. Now if he was just pretending to be Raphael then I would have believed him, but I also knew that angels don’t kill without a reason from God. Tobias thought that the team were the seven angels of death from the bible and wanted me to kill one of them, since I ‘served’ him. I couldn’t do it, not one of my friends. It was the worst possible thing to ask me, if I hadn’t been on tape I would have found a way to break the bonds on the chair and beat the guy to death; but lanky bookworm Reid couldn’t do that. So I have to think of something fast. Three shots went off and the bullet hadn’t hit, I had reduced my odds of survival down low enough. So thinking quickly I spoke the worst words possible.

“I choose Aaron Hotchner. He’s a classic narcissist, he thinks he’s better than anyone else on the team. Genesis 23:4 “Let him not deceive himself in trust, in emptiness, vanity and falseness in futility. Ye shall be its recompenses.”

I knew he would understand my message, my eidetic memory wouldn’t allow me to forget the real chapter 23 verse 4. It was a clue to the whereabouts of where I am. Tobias didn’t know of my brain capacity and the knowledge I had of the bible. And although an angel would he wasn’t an angel, only the figment of Tobias’ imagination to help cope with killing his father.

_He always put the team; everyone in it, above himself._

I remember the aftermath of that day, the Dilaudid taking a huge impact on my life. I found any secluded corner just to get a fix, a true blooded drug addict. I’m sure everyone knew that I was using something after the case, but no one wanted to separate the team up. At the time I was surprised that Prentiss was included in this no one, but she even one up me on that account. Always she had my back, pushing me when I was being an idiot. Calling me out on acting different; even though we’ve only knew each other for three months. I knew exactly what she meant by, that along with the conversation with Ethan got me back on the right track; never do I want to leave the BAU. Only if I have to.

_She turned me away from a life of a different kind of darkness with her huge heart._

We were working a case in Atlanta when it happened. I was explaining the different writing patterns of the unsubs in question, laughing at my own joke in the process. As I turned I heard Rossi talking with the detective of the case; I believe he was asking where they ‘found’ me. It was Rossi’s wit and humour that had me laughing on the inside, “He was left in a basket on the steps of the FBI.” There was no recollection that he knew I overheard him, as I kept going on with my observations. But that humour was what keeps the days bright and fun to be around; even if it involves murder and death.

_He always was able to put a smile on my face._

I’ve never met anyone that was close to the character that Garcia is; she’s the only definition of one of a kind. She’s the most loyal person that I know, even when everyone has lost hope she manages to find the goodness in the things around her. Covering her fortress of solitude with the child-like objects to keep her innocence intact; something I would never take away. And even through the deception and lies of some of my real intentions; which could be seen through if she really wanted to try, she still helps me out in the worst of times. When everyone else was on my back about acting weird she was the only one who wouldn’t go through with spying on me, sure they all had their reasons but they don’t have the right. I’m not doing anything wrong. She even forgave Mor-

_She’s the most forgiving and loyal person I know._

Even the other side of my life has the up sides. We are crazy and live our lives to the fullest; mainly due to the fact that we might not get a tomorrow no matter how hard we fight. Dangerous jobs have a dangerous prices to them. Bobby has the best home to sit back and relax when the worst is spiraling around you; whether the problem is supernatural or not. His advice is the best around, whenever I need it. Which is high school and half of my time in college life, child prodigies even have questions that can’t or shouldn’t be answered by a textbook. Bobby stood in the shoes of my father and gave me the advice that I always needed; how to pick up girls and the occasional man was well as the birds and the bees talk being the few that will be burned into my mind for the rest of eternity, no matter how hard I try to get rid of it.

_Wherever I needed the man I could count on him, always and forever._

Even the dead need to be remembered for their good times on this earth; although this man and very few I feel blessed that I was there for one of them. John was always the hard-ass in front of boys, mostly in front of Bobby if his stories have anything to say about it but he was a gentle soul. I remember the hunt that he saved my life from the vampire at the large. I was young, about twelve when it occurred; a couple of weeks after my first day in high school and my mother decides that we need to go on a hunt. It didn’t really matter, since I was already ahead on my studies so I went regardless. But during the hunt my mother started having an episode, and I couldn’t tend to her and fight off the vampire. I gave it a good hit and ran, trying to get it away from my mother. Succeeding extremely well I realized that I didn’t think my plan through; I had forgotten to grab a weapon that I could use to defend myself and kill the vampire. He swooped in from now where and finished off the hunt before coming up to me with a soft, warm smile. His eyes were light and teeth sparkled in the light as he made sure I was alright; a complete opposite to how the boys talk about him. Though when fifteen year old Dean rounded the corner his eyes harden and only the hard cold tone reach his lips, Dean explained he left my mother because he had no idea what was going on and needed help. I rushed over and helped her through her latest part of her episode.

_The man’s soft side played through my head through the darkest of times._

And the brain side of me always got lonely, it’s hard to find someone who’s as intellectually capable to keep up with my pace as me. For this reason Sam’s presence is a great time; known as the second brain of the ‘family’ that we created. He’s the one who researches cases that they cannot understand so when I talk to him, it’s like talking to Ethan in brainpower. It’s thrilling to be able to use my full brain and not feel like I’m the only one understanding the conversation. It sucks being in the BAU all the time when I have to ‘dumb-the-conversational-words-down’ and talk in smaller words. Sam made me the person I am today, headstrong and loyal to the tee; him wanting out of the hunting business allowed me to see that I wasn’t doomed to live a life like them, I didn’t have to go along with my mother’s strange family traditions. I can find evil of another kind and still remain on good terms with my friends; not that I left completely, no one could. He realized my dream to become a profiler and put my big brain out for good use.

_Sam Winchester made me the person who would never betray a promise._

Well the elder always acted like my own older brother, protective and everything a guy could want in a high school full of kids at least five years older than him. Dean always protected him from the pack of them while they were there; all the teasing I got in the first four months of school disappeared as soon as he stood up for me. The cool and new Dean Winchester was not to be trifled with, and with him at my side it stayed that way. The school may have never thought I was cool but my ‘cousin’ laid it down that he would come back and rip out the teeth of the people who bothered me. Even beyond the line of duty he manages to save the day and help the people around him, he’s the man I always inspired to be. Loyal and honest; and always giving his all, even when the situation seems grim.

_Dean Winchester showed me who I wanted to be through his big heart._

And through everything that has happened through the BAU only one person remained constant, always there and never moving. Maybe that’s why I considered him my greatest friend among the team, due to the fun and games that we play and the teasing that he ensues. Sure it wasn’t always fun and games but when the team became what it was now I found that the man was the closest person to me. Morgan always trusted me, even in the worst possible conditions and if I had an idea went along with it even if it seemed suicidal. He never backed away from me, even saying that he’ll only worry about me when I’m running around at night mumbling to myself.

He’s been the most compassionate person I’ve ever met, always believing in me and worrying about me when no one else seemed to care. When I was infected with anthrax he didn’t want to leave my side; if it wasn’t due to the fact I was going to be nude and scrubbed down I doubt he would have.

Sometimes I think about those random nights at his house, me trying to watch Star Trek and Dr. Who is peace on his comfy couch while he laughed and tried to get my attention. That flutter I felt when he usually rolled me over and pinned me down, speaking low so it was hard to hear him at a distance. I always denied, but when Famine’s affects were still riling me up I noticed Derek’s slight movements keeping me from doing the usual things. My body wanted to react in ways that I didn’t want to, it was hungry for something I wasn’t willing to give up. Sure I could jump on a demon and drain them dry, but whatever I wanted with Derek was completely off-limits. How ironic, but I understood why.

_I’ve always wanted him, even if my brain didn’t want to break that barrier._

_And if I get back, that’s the first thing I was going to do. Tell him how I actually feel and hope that he feels the same, prays that he does._

I kept driving through the highway reaching the cemetery and stopping my car, there was absolutely no noise. Thinking I came to the wrong cemetery I got out of the car, or maybe I was here extremely early?

“Hey Assbutt!” destroyed the silence as a whoosh of fire was send through the air. I got in line of sight to see a man getting hit by a Molotov and disappearing into the flames.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was hard to write each person's little thing had to be perfect, and it's hard doing that for some characters. Like John, I wanted his character to actual be sweet just put up a front in front of the boys. He was still that man in pilot; it was just deep down inside of him.


	3. The End

“Castiel. Did you just Molotov my brother with holy fire?” The tall giant spoke condescendingly to the smaller angel. Sam’s stare growing intense like a cold flame towards the trench coated man.

The man’s face contorted. “Uh... no.” The emotion waved off Cas, not convincing the other of the treachery. No one should use the Winchester logic when facing an angry angel, hell it barely worked on regular people for Christ sake!

I couldn’t understand the panic and fear that were running through my veins at this given time. Sam was going off the deep end, and if my guess is right; being possessed by Satan himself. They couldn’t use the rings? Or were they ineffective? I needed to know these simple things for myself to function, but I’ve been out casted to the sidelines where nothing else matters but my brain.

I just hope that I can keep that by the end of everything.

Sam raised his fingers as he spoke with the other angel in the cemetery. “No one dicks with Michael but me.” Snapping them quickly and efficiently, Castiel exploded at the noise. I jumped from my spot but my legs wouldn’t move another step, knees were locked and slightly giving away.

My friend and companion was dead from a snap. An angel no less, which begs to differ what Lucifer could do to us humans if he wanted to.

My ears rung as I tried and slow down my breathing and heart rate, closing my eyes I imagined my happy place. The bed in the morning with Derek hugging my from behind as I read one of many books, Derek nuzzling my neck in his sleep and pulling toward him so my back is pressed hard against his stomach; morning bliss present in the air. Opening my eyes as the ringing stopped, I heard a loud crash.

Adjusting my eyes I looked over to see Dean getting smashed into his car, the window shattered at the impact driving Bobby into action. The shot never missed a kill zone but the angel’s powers wouldn’t let the bullet sink below the skin. Sam’s body turned, Lucifer’s face away from my vision but the shoulders showed it all. Bobby kept shooting, trying to prevent the angel from coming any closer but only a flick of the wrist and Bobby’s head snapped one direction before his body hit the ground.

I muffled my own scream before hearing the broken crack of Dean’s. I fell to the ground ashamed that I couldn’t do anything, though this isn’t what Castiel wanted me to do.

Defenseless against the angel before me I realized that Dean was the one who I needed to pick up the pieces of. Knowing the brothers they made a pact of normalcy after this was over, all either of them wanted was a family away from the fighting. Someone to keep them human. And even with everything that they have done for this world all they get is this.

The beat down of their lives.

Lucifer kept hitting Dean, blood oozing and face swelling. I could hear a whimper coming out the elder brother, though the words were incoherent I knew Dean was trying to get through to his brother. The gleam in his eyes from the sun showed hope, a little hope that something good will come out of it.

Suddenly Sam’s body went rigid, as well as Dean’s demeanor; which slightly relaxed in Lucifer’s grip. Something had happened in the distance, but the men did not move closer and were still out of ear shot.

And my legs still couldn’t move.

Then suddenly I didn’t have to, the giant let go of his elder brother; surprising both of us. Dean smashed once again into the Impala, the man’s own baby.

I overheard a gentle whisper coming in Sam’s voice, soft and loving towards the elder brother. “Its okay, Dean. It’s going to be okay. I’ve got him.” Moving into his pocket, Sam flung something into the ground; a giant hole being placed in the cemetery ground, tombstone and all. “Bvtmon tabges babalon.” Being muttered along with the trembles. The boys just look at each other as the hole grew, Sam’s chest rising quickly and deeply.

The other man who was set on fire emerged from the shadows, moving closer and closer to Sam. “Sam! It’s not gonna end this way! Step back!”

Sam’s eyes gleamed with hope, voice filled with emotion. “You’re gonna have to make me!”

“I have to fight my brother, Sam! Here and now! It’s my destiny!”

Sam’s only answer was to open his arms wide for a hug, eyes closing as he fell backward. The other man; Michael I’m presuming moved and tried to grab the taller brother. Sam only closed his arms around him and fell into the hole.

A bright light ensued as the men reached below ground level, and nothing remained. Like nothing even happened either, the only thing that showed the battle ensued was the swollen bloody man I called my brother. Said man just slumped against his car, eyes closed and pained.

Finally finding my legs I walked over to the small piece of a man I used to know. Everything he did for me without asking anything in return. Running with everything I got I looked into his eyes and gave him a weak smile. 

“I’m here for you Dean.”

* * *

Cas rode with Bobby and Dean in the Impala, she wasn’t badly damaged and with angel magic the outer exterior looked just like new. Dean looked dead as he got into the driver’s seat as I brought Bobby into the back seat to lie down. Even after Castiel healed him he remained unconscious.

I followed them in my own car, mind drifting to what exactly happened. Did Sam die? Where did he go? No one would answer my questions, but I could infer from the body language Dean that he wasn’t coming back.

We reached Bobby’s house, pulling in as quietly as ever. Cas had left, leaving to me to what I had promised about a month ago.  To pick up the missing pieces of Dean Winchester, because Bobby may be capable of this as well but I had a feeling Dean had something in mind.

After bringing Bobby to his bed I made us some dinner in the dust-filled kitchen, after going to the store and buying real food. Dean smiled at the food and dug into without a thought; though I could tell that his face was strained. He didn’t want himself to be happy without Sam.

“Dean, how you are you feeling?”

“Are you profiling me right now Spencer?” was his immediate response before sighing. “Because after everything that’s happening I don’t want you rummaging in my head.”

I chuckled. “I wouldn’t need to profile you to know what’s going on in your head. You’re blaming yourself over everything that’s happened. To what extend? That’s the question I’m trying to figure out, then how to help you get over it.” I placed my hand on his arm, locking eyes with him. “I have two weeks to help you get back on your feet to do whatever you want.”

“I promised Sam that if he died and I lived that I’d go see Lisa and Ben and have a life.” His voice cracked, like the idea was pleasant but he wanted to do something else.

“I’m not convinced that’s what you want to do. Settling down yeah; it’s every hunter’s dream, but not with Lisa and Ben.” I walked over to the stove and grabbed more spaghetti from the pot. “I know that Sam convinced you but what else do you want to do.”

“I want to get my brother back.”

I sighed before sitting down beside him. “I do too, but we both know that Sam wouldn’t want us to reopen that cage just to save him.” I paused to let it sink in before continuing. “So I’m going to reiterate that question Dean; what do want to do besides hunt?”

He whipped his head at me, a knowing glance piercing his eyes. _Don’t go there._ They spoke instead of Dean’s breaking voice. “I have nothing left besides Lisa and Ben.”

“What about Castiel?”

He gazed soften a touch before looking away, ashamed of the name hanging in the air. “We both know it can’t work. He has to go back to Heaven and take his punishment, I’ll probably never see him again.”

“But what if you do?” I placed my shoulder on hand, squeezing it gently. “What would you do then?”

He smiled, “I have no idea Spencer, but I’m going to keep my promise to Sam. I have to take responsibility for Ben too, I hated how my dad treated me and I’m doing to the same to him.” He shook his head. “It’s not fair.”

“So go be a dad, and I’ll visit as much as possible.” I smiled and grabbed the laptop. “And I can do something more for you too. You might end up on the FBI wanted list again if you go flipping around Dean Winchester as your name. So I’ll hack into the government and create an identity almost identical to yours as Dean Campbell.”

Dean pulled me into a hug. It was filled with such pride and emotion that tears began to sprout from my eyes. I wiped them away before giving Dean a proper hug. This was all the thanks I needed.

“It’ll take time to get the birth certificate forged. I’ll have to pull some strings in the CIA, but I’ll have it done by the end of the week.”

“What are we going to do for a week?” Dean sounded like a three year old lost, like a kicked puppy.

Smiling I started typing away on my laptop. “How about one last hunt Dean, so you can leave it all behind.” Searching up the local paper I turned the screen to Dean. “There’s a number of mysterious disappearances in the area, a couple of the victims were found without any blood.”

Dean shook his head. “No, I don’t want to hunt. I’ll just wait for Bobby to wake up and head down to Lisa’s.” His eyes were hollow and dull. “Come see me when you’ve got those documents." 

I nodded and said my goodbyes, heading down to Iowa.

* * *

I had found a copy of the latest manuscript of Chuck’s books titling ‘The Swan Song’ reading through it, the rest of the puzzle of that day began to come clear. The looks and the broken voices shed some light on the world around me; the real reason Sam sacrificed himself.

The ending is what bothered me though, the narrative became personal to Chuck himself. Completely breaking the fourth wall inside of the book.

“On April 21, 1967, the 100 millionth GM vehicle rolled off the line at the plant in Janesville -- a blue two-door Caprice.   
  
There was a big ceremony, speeches. The lieutenant governor even showed up. Three days later, another car rolled off that same line. No one gave two craps about her. But they should have, because this 1967 Chevrolet Impala would turn out to be the most important car -- no, the most important _object_ \-- in pretty much the whole universe.   
  
She was first owned by Sal Moriarty, an alcoholic with two ex-wives and three blocked arteries. On weekends, he'd drive around giving Bibles to the poor "gettin' folks right for Judgment Day." That's what he said. Sam and Dean don't know any of this, but if they did, I bet they'd smile.   
  
After Sal died, she ended up at Rainbow Motors, a used-car lot in Lawrence, where a young marine bought her on impulse. That is, after a little advice from a friend. I guess that's where this story begins.   
  
And here's where it ends.”

Even though the background to the places they’ve been to are completely unnecessary it seems relevant to the whole story, every place is picked for a reason; or in this case object. Not that I would call Dean’s love child an object; he’d kill me in his sleep.

“The Impala, of course, has all the things other cars have... and a few things they don't. But none of that stuff's important. This is the stuff that's important. The army man that Sam crammed in the ashtray - it's still stuck there. The Legos that Dean shoved into the vents -- to this day, heat comes on and they can hear 'em rattle. These are the things that make the car theirs -- really theirs. Even when Dean rebuilt her from the ground up, he made sure all these little things stayed, 'cause it's the blemishes that make her beautiful. The Devil doesn't know or care what kind of car the boys drive.”

Even more was the last pieces to the puzzle about the boys.

“In between jobs, Sam and Dean would sometimes get a day -- sometimes a week, if they were lucky. They'd pass the time lining their pockets. Sam used to insist on honest work, but now he hustles pool, like his brother. They could go anywhere and do anything. They drove 1,000 miles for an Ozzy show, two days for a Jayhawks game. And when it was clear, they'd park her in the middle of nowhere, sit on the hood, and watch the stars... for hours... without saying a word. It never occurred to them that, sure, maybe they never really had a roof and four walls but they were never, in fact, homeless.”

And that spoke wonders, they wanted to do the right thing the right way; but something whether it was time, money or even luxury but they always had each other. Remembering the time Garcia was talking to me about these books, that line that made me want to cry. They were homeless in every sense expect the tone of family; _the home is where the heart is_.

“Endings are hard. Any chapped-ass monkey with a keyboard can poop out a beginning, but endings are impossible. You try to tie up every loose end, but you never can. The fans are always gonna bitch. There's always gonna be holes. And since it's the ending, it's all supposed to add up to something. I'm telling you, they're a raging pain in the ass.

This is the last Dean and Bobby will see of each other for a very long time. And, for the record, at this point next week, Bobby will be hunting a rugaru outside of Dayton. But not Dean. Dean didn't want Cas to save him. Every part of him, every fiber he's got, wants to die, or find a way to bring Sam back. But he isn't gonna do either. Because he made a promise.”

So Dean keeps his promise to me and Sam, not to kill himself or go on a suicide hunt and despite lying to me about not wanting to go on one last hunt he still keeps going through the motions. He got his white picket fence and sure he might not have his brother by his side; he’s got everyone else to pull out of the darkness. Me, Cas, Bobby, Lisa and Ben.

“So, what's it all add up to? It's hard to say. But me, I'd say this was a test... for Sam and Dean. And I think they did all right. [Flashbacks play.] Up against good, evil, angels, devils, destiny, and God himself, they made their own choice. They chose family. And, well... isn't that kinda the whole point?” 

* * *

I had called Hotch two days ago telling him what had happened. I didn’t make it time to change the outcome and one of my cousins had died in the process. I was going to take some more time off until the grief washed away, but in reality I was helping Bobby stay away from the bottle. Getting Dean to be able to push that doorbell and keeping the unit solid as the youngest Winchester left our world.

I didn’t find it fair that I was the only that didn’t have a chance to grieve, but when I get back to Quantico Derek would set me down just to cry. Say the smallest things that mean absolutely nothing to him but the world to me.

I had a release button at my disposal.

These men didn’t have time to wallow away in pain.

About a week to the day I got a strange phone call from a blocked number, and without Garcia to track I was left alone to struggle on the line. Though conversation came easier than expected.

**“Spencer, I need some help.”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The exact quotes for most of this chapter were found on the Supernatural Wiki so they should be grammatically correct and written word for word.
> 
> Also I'm stating that there is one more arc to this series so enjoy what you have as much as you can :D


End file.
